


Flowers

by rosesupposes



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Flower Shop, F/F, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-30
Updated: 2019-04-30
Packaged: 2020-02-10 12:43:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,756
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18660682
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rosesupposes/pseuds/rosesupposes
Summary: Percy was trying to close the flower shop when a man with a man bun stalked in, slapped down a twenty dollar bill, and said, "How do I passive-aggressively say 'fuck you' in flower?"In which Percy works at Keyleth's flower shop and Vax promised Vex he'd get her flowers for her date but now they're fighting.





	Flowers

It had been a slow day at Keyleth’s flower shop and Percy was definitely ready to go home and possibly soak in a bath. Keyleth seemed to be just as ready to go as Percy was, though he knew it was for a totally different reason. She hadn’t said anything but Percy knew how she got when she was about to go on a first date and she’d made three new display bouquets with anemone. With ten minutes to go until close and no more customers in sight Keyleth said, “You can start counting the register. I’m gonna put the plants to bed.” With that Keyleth swept into the nursery.

Percy unlocked the drawer of the ancient cash register and started counting pennies. He was four minutes from being able to lock the door and halfway through the fives when the front door slammed open. It bounced against the frame, causing the bell to ring like crazy.

A man stalked into the store and slapped a twenty on the counter. “How do I passive-aggressively say ‘fuck you’ in flower?”

Percy was astonished. The man- with his long black hair flying about and sweatpants and oversized t-shirt- looked wholly unprepared for public and stupidly attractive. He moved too fast for Percy to actually see his feet but he was pretty sure he was wearing slippers. “Umm- excuse me?”

The man ran his hands through his hair and pulled it into a bun. He was obviously very frustrated. Fuck. “I’m sorry, I know it’s getting late and you’re closing but I had a fight with my sister because I put a bow on her dog and she brought up some stuff but I told her like four days ago that I would get flowers for this date she’s going on tonight and she’s my sister so we’re gonna make up eventually so I gotta get her these flowers but she brought up my ex so I’m still really fucking mad at her and I was just hoping you could put together something that says ‘fuck you’ in like flower language or whatever shit.”

Percy had to actually think about closing his mouth. “Let me get this straight. You want a bouquet that means ‘fuck you’ for your sister to give her date?”

The man thought for a second. “It sounds awful when you say it like that but yes. You do know like flower language or whatever, right?”

“Of course. There’s not a flower that just says ‘fuck you.’ It’s not that simple.”

“But you can put together something that means like ‘you’re dumb’ and ‘I hate you,’ right?”

An idea pinged in Percy’s head. That could be interesting. “I could do it.” He glanced at the clock. “Let me just check with my boss.”

The man looked a little surprised. “Yeah, sure, great. Thanks.”

Percy peeked his head into the nursery. “Keyleth, there’s a last minute emergency customer but I can handle it. You can go home and get ready for your date. I’ll lock up.”

Keyleth looked scandalized. “How’d you know?”

“I know you. You’ve been rearranging the same three displays all day. Anticipation.”

“Oh right. You’re sure you can handle it?”

“Yeah, I’ve got it. Go shower off the dirt.”

“Thanks, Percy. I’m gonna go out the back. I’ll see you in the morning.”

“Have fun, Keyleth.”

Percy turned back to the customer, pulling an order form from under the counter and a pen from the ‘Say No To Drugs’ cup on the counter. He filled in the requisite information, skipping the non-essential stuff. “Name?”

“Vax.”

“That’s interesting,” he said. He left the order description box on the form blank. Something told him Keyleth wouldn’t appreciate him putting ‘fuck you flowers’ on official paperwork. He checked the custom order box on the form and signed it. He offered Vax a pen. “Sign here please.”

Vax took the pen and signed an unreadable scribble. Percy took the form back and ripped the top copy from the carbon pages. “It’s short for something much worse. My parents were a fan of weird names.”

“I’ve rather a long name as well. Percival Frederickstein Von Mussel Klossowski de Rolo III. You can call me Percy.”

Vax’s eyes widened. “I said weird not infinite. There were two people named that before you?”

“Well there were two Percival de Rolo’s, at least. The middle part is always a little different.” After making sure the register was locked and the key was safely in his pocket, Percy gestured for Vax to join him behind the counter. “Come on back. I’ll have to make this in the back and I can’t leave you out here by yourself.”

Vax looked a little unsure. “You sure? I can wait out here or like outside the store or something?”

“No, it’s fine. We do it all the time for last minute, rush orders.”

“Okay then.”

Percy lead Vax into the back room. He had to stop himself from chuckling as Vax’s eyes widened. The ready-made bouquets at the front of the store were beautiful and all but the back of the store was filled with refrigerator after refrigerator of flowers and anyone seeing it for the first time was always at least a little bit amazed by it- at least until they saw the nursery. 

Percy gestured to Keyleth’s work table. “There’s no chairs back here but you can sit on that table if you want. Just check for thorns first- I think my boss was putting together rose bouquets over there earlier.”

Vax looked at the table rather warily. His shirt slipped from his shoulder as he leaned against a large filing cabinet- Keyleth’s only attempt at creating any real office space for the store, much to Percy’s chagrin. “I think I’ll just lean.”

Percy shrugged, pulled out the beginnings of any bouquet- the paper and plastic that would eventually wrap around the bouquet.

“You can skip all that stuff if you want and just use string or some shit.”

Percy looked Vax up and down, maybe lingering a second too long on the piece of collarbone now revealed by Vax’s shirt. “No problem.” He went about gathering a few different flowers- first, the white geraniums and orange lilies that had popped into his head at Vax’s early comment. He debated for a moment before adding some red foxglove and a few yellow carnations. He wished there had been some meadowsweet laying around but the usual spot was empty and he remembered Keyleth putting it on the list of things that were out of stock for the moment. The colors all worked lovely together which would make up in part for the fact that the flowers themselves would look slightly odd next to each other. His arrangements would never be as striking as Keyleth’s but he sure could put together a puzzle. Percy talked as he worked. “So a sister?”

“A twin, yes. Her name is Vex.”

“Huh. Vex and Vax. Your parents did really like weird names.”

“Yes, well, it never stopped confusing our teachers.”

“And you have a dog?”

Vax snorted. “More like a bear. And he’s hers. I’m just an uncle. He only lets me feed him because Vex has him on some ridiculous diet and I give him treats.”

“What was so offensive about the bow you put on the dog? Did it have cats on it or something?”

“Trinket’s a boy and Vex doesn’t like when I put bows on the dog. You’d think she’d be the one to do it but no! It was a joke but she’s been mad at me for days and she took it as an excuse to bring up Shaun which-” 

Vax’s voice died and when Percy looked up he was biting his lip. Percy surmised Shaun was the ex Vax had mentioned during his rant earlier. Percy’s fingers stumbled slightly as he tried not to think too hard about Vax’s ex having a guy’s name. “I’ve a sister too, you know. Her name’s Cassandra.”

Percy told the story of the largest fight he and Cassandra had ever had- the time she’d stolen one of his action figures for a school project and then ruined it with her hot glue gun. Their conversation flowed naturally from there as Percy glossed over the fact that he’d once had more sisters than just Cassandra and Vax glossed over whatever it was in his life that one didn’t normally bring up in polite conversation. Vax made Percy laugh a lot. He tried his best to ignore the man bun and the collar bone and the lip biting.

Fifteen minutes later, Percy wrapped the bouquet in plain craft paper rather than the normal tissue paper and plastic and tied it off with a neat bow of twine. He presented the bouquet to Vax. “Finished.”

Vax inspected it from several different angles. “Well, it’s pretty enough to be a first date bouquet but what’s it mean?”

“It’s a little bit of stupidity, disappointment, and hatred with some insincerity thrown in there for good measure,” Percy said as he lead a grinning Vax back into the main area of the store. He took Vax’s twenty from the counter and slid it into the register drawer. “Will that do?”

“It’s perfect. Thank you, Percy.” And with that Vax stretched up and gave Percy a kiss on the cheek. He seemed to do this without realizing it because after his eyes widened and he started walking away immediately. “I’m sorry, I’ll just be going now-”

“Wait!” Percy called. Vax was already halfway across the store. Percy ran around the counter and picked a cluster of flowers from one of the display tables- some purple lilacs. “Take these on the house.”

Vax smiled. “Okay. Thanks.” And with that he was gone.

About half and hour later, as Percy turned off the lights and locked the front door, he found himself wishing he’d asked for Vax’s phone number while filling out the order form earlier. Oh well. In the end, putting together the bouquet and talking to Vax had been great fun.

(If the next morning Keyleth, while raving about her date, mentions a weird bouquet of flowers that seemed to be insulting her, well, they can’t be traced back to Percy at all.)

((If the next afternoon a man with a man bun comes into the shop arm in arm with a girl wearing a braid who looks practically identical to him, then Percy doesn’t have to worry about not getting Vax’s number.))

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted to tumblr in 2015ish but I'm trying to put everything in one place now. Hope you enjoyed!


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